This year, I lost my Grandmother. She died just a few weeks after we celebrated her 99th birthday party. She was so happy and enjoyed seeing her grand children and her great grandchildren run around, eat and celebrate her special day with her. Shortly thereafter, she suffered a heart attack and stroke, and went downhill very quickly. At her funeral, it was lovely to see family and friends I had not seen or spoken with in months and/or years.
A couple months later, I lost my job from a corporate pharmaceutical giant that was restructuring. I had invested 16 years worth of hard work in this company, beginning as a discovery research chemist. After another early career restructuring, I moved into the early phase clinical research and development area, studying infectious diseases. Specifically, I focused my activities in studying hard-to-treat fungal infections, bacteremia, and also capsule coating solutions for targeted urinary tract drug delivery. I also spend many hundreds of hours coordinating regulatory submission documents in order for this company to secure product approval and then supported that product once it was on the market, using my writing and coordination skills. I then worked in business operations supporting the pharmaceutical development area using my communication and writing skills, my six sigma training to lead projects and by basically ensuring that a new building met the needs of the development division. Yes, I picked out the artwork that went into the building as one of my many assignments....that was COOL.
Within days of losing my job, my closest and most intimate friend moved to the pacific northwest. I supported him the best I knew how through a difficult good-bye to his 14-year-old daughter. I also helped him load of all of is worldly belongings into a moving truck. The night before he left, I cried and told him how much I had enjoyed the time we had spent together over the last 9 months of getting to know each other. He was someone I grew to love and care about very deeply. The next morning, I watched him drive off. We keep in touch via text, facebook, phone calls and online video chatting, but it's not the same as having the personal touch, hugs, kisses and presence.
Now, I have the love and support of my closest friends. I spend much of my time appreciating that I don't have to go to work every day anymore. I play with my two cats, water my flowers, continue to volunteer as a board of directors member at a community center, try to exercise regularly, find ways to enjoy my time, hunt for jobs and companies that look interesting to me, and I am mainly trying to determine what to do next with my career and my life.
I have some amazing strengths and talents -- some that I have not even tapped into really enough. For example, writing and singing/music. But, for some reason, I feel as though I am floating. I have many thoughtful and creative ideas, but I notice that do not take action on them, but it has only been 3 weeks. I have put my house up for sale, but deep down I don't want to sell it because I am not totally sure yet where I want to move or what I want to do next. Plus, my house is such a wonderful place to live. And, I don't want to do just anything -- or just find a new job. I want my next "thing" to be wonderful. To lift my spirit, to make me happy, to inspire others, and also to be within a community that welcomes and warms me. I want to be happy, influential, and have a home. How will I figure out what to do next?
I feel as though I am on a parallel plane from the majority of other people here in Indianapolis. The business owners and workers trying desperately to make more money. I feel I am merely and observer at the moment. I feel different than them. My values and goals and life passions point in a different direction from theirs. But, they point into the direction where there exists a very thick fog.... Did I mention that I absolutely LOVE fog?
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