A Ride Around Downtown Indy

It was extremely windy outside on this late October day, but I decided to ride my bike around outside anyway. First stop, after passing by the Capital building….my favorite fountain in downtown near the canal. This was the first fountain I ever saw in Indianapolis when I moved here and it captured my heart and love of nature. Look how it appears that deer is running right towards you!
I followed the canal further along, went over the White River bridge and took the trail behind the zoo. This is such a neat trail. The thought of all those exotic zoo animals right behind the big limestone walls, and just the pleasant way the park is decorated with trees, big hunks of limestone, and even some neat cathedral architectural pieces.

I continued to follow the canal northward, and stopped at a new little café called “The Left Bank Cafe'“ for a cup of coffee and a scone. I love blueberry scones. I just sat there, and read the Wall Street Journal. In doing so, I learned that our U.S Troops were given playing cards with pictures of Iraqis’ Most-Wanted pictures on them during the 2003 invasion. This is something that I did not know before today. A photo of Traiq Aziz, supposedly Saddam Hussein’s right hand man, was on the 8 of spades card. At that moment, I felt uncomfortable with the fact that my favorite number is 8, because it announced that he was sentenced to death for his war crimes. The dude was 74 years old. Supposedly, he was responsible for torturing and executing 250,000 Shiites and/or their supporters. Now, I don’t know any Shiites personally, but I find it have a hard to imagine that any one of them would be such a bad person that they would deserve to be tortured or killed. It doesn’t sound to me from the article that there was very much tolerance or respect toward these people.

For the record, my personal belief is that each living human being deserves respect and tolerance at a minimum, and love for that matter.

After I finished my scone and coffee, I continued my bike ride along the cultural trail. I stopped at AV Framing Gallery to say hello to owner and friend Sarah Adams, and then continued on my way since she was busy with appointments. Always wonderful to see her. I stopped at a neat-looking business called Zesco.com which was right alongside the cultural trail. I can't ever remember meeting such a friendly and fun business manager before in my life, especially around this city. My God, this guy must love his job. It was so fun! It made me almost want to start up my own restaurant or coffee business, just to get a chance to work with him! He’d be able to supply me with everything I’d need too.

On my way home, I passed by the Scottish Rite Cathedral, which is an absolutely beautiful structure. I snapped the doors, and their grandeur kinda gives a taste of what the entire building is like. Have a look...

And last but not least, I rode by my OTHER favorite Indianapolis fountain on my way home. It’s flowing water is surrounded with kids dancing in a circle and a topless goddess, who’s playing the symbols above them while they all dance around together. Downtown Indianapolis is just plump full of architectural treasures.

Another Day in Mid-Life Retirement

It’s been 3 weeks since I have been unemployed.

Today began with a storm, literally. Two cats scampering to get inside the house first thing in the morning because they were hungry, while winds picked up and thunderstorm sirens began. I sat on my back step watching the storm clouds move northward above me for about 10 minutes. They were very grey and scary-lookin’ but they didn’t seem to be anywhere near making a ruckus.

About 15 minutes later, I was trying to herd the cats into the basement as huge gusts of wind and rain slammed against my kitchen windows, blocking all views to the back yard. It was exciting and scary. It got my juices flowing. I checked the radar and sure enough, it indicated that there was a storm overhead. Glad I checked that….just to be sure. (I am rolling my eyes at this activity)

After the storm blew threw in about 10 minutes, all was calm again. It continued to rain a while.

I took a nap and slept beautifully. As usual, I didn’t want to stop napping, as Peanut was snuggled in the bed with me and it was so soft and warm and cozy. But, I got myself up anyway and made my bed. When I decided to go back to bed again, I couldn’t because I’d already made the bed. Disappointment set in…until I noticed what a beautiful day it had turned into. Autumn breezy and sunshine. I needed to get ready for my outside exercise and write my blog post!

As I continued to wonder around my house trying to think of what to write in my blog today, I kept getting stuck. I had promised my friend. We both agreed we would have a blog post by this evenings’ regular walk, and here it was, 3:00pm already.

After eating some snacks, I next found myself watching YouTube videos of women’s pregnant bellies. It was footage of babies kicking, and according to the mothers, it hurts when they kick. It reminded me of the episodes on Fringe right before an alien or giant worm or some kind of monster would exit one of their bodies, killing the host. Hopefully that is not ultimately what pregnancy is like for me. That is, if I still become pregnant before it’s too late.

Weird blog post? Perhaps….

Rainbows in My Rooms

Remember the physics lab session where we shined a light through a glass prism and it created a rainbow of light? Man, I hated physics, despite my love of chemistry. I know, that’s probably a little odd, but then, I am bizarre based on a colleagues' “positive description word”. I’ll take it as a compliment, because I don’t ever want to be “normal”. I guess that makes me special, eh? :-)

The lines of rainbow across the wall in my office come from my oval, colored leaded glass window.

Some are so subtle too…. Do you see the rainbow in this next photo, right below the cats’ paws?

In my 110-year-old home, I have rainbows everywhere during the day. I did not notice, nor enjoy these nearly enough while I was at the office all day long, while employed. Now, I do…

I would imagine that the architects that lived 115 years ago thought about the use of leaded glass windows and light within a residential structure a smidge differently than they do now-a-days. Due to significant expense, leaded glass windows are not used quite as often when homes are built today, unless maybe you are very, very wealthy. This is just another reason why I love this old house I live in. I would say that my “old house soul” is happy here to a great extent, but I also recognize that I am not enjoying it with anyone (besides Peanut, the cat). Thus, my plan remains to move west, closer to loved-ones. After all, as hard as they try, houses can’t hug....

Unemployment Experience

I am continuing to be fascinated by my experience as an unemployed individual. I receive so many spam emails attempting to help me find a job and return to the workforce. Various tips and tricks to get me hired. I see them, and then move on without opening them. I read posts on LinkedIn about other peoples' experiences. They share that they are desperate, depressed, unable to find work and miserable. This has not been my experience.

The truth is, I have no desire to find work just yet. I am enjoying every minute of the break from a daily grind of work that has lasted 16 years for me. I feel it is extremely important for me right now to stop and figure out what will make me happy in a career. We spend a multitude of our "life hours" working to earn money to live, but how much of that time do we really gain satisfaction from our daily activities? How many of us actually ensure that our jobs align with our personal values? How many of us are honest with ourselves about our own personal values, in order to pursue those types of jobs or career directions? I can honesty say that I have not been honest with mine, over the years. My current goal is to pursue and achieve that important alignment in my life. I have full faith that I will, and the faith that when I do, the career (or job) of my dreams will come straight to my doorstep.

So, I have been relaxing, able to sleep in as long as I desire in the morning. I am observing myself in a state of "non-schedule" and it's very intriguing to me. I go to parks, sit by the reservoir, and walk to enjoy the beauty of nature. I spend time interacting, snuggling and/or playing with my pets. I take long, relaxing epsom salt baths. I actually take time to read the paper I receive each weekday. I watch movies from Netflix....probably more movies since I've been unemployed than I have in my entire life. I also explore new subjects, opportunities and possibilities from internet using my computer screen as a window. I am learning more and more about myself, and acknowledging the beauty of my own soul.

Aside from this, I do continuously battle the voice inside my head that tells me I should not be relaxing -- the voice that says it's NOT okay for you to spend your time on anything but the *highest* priority of FINDING A JOB again. Honestly, I love not working. I love having the hours of time I have never had before to really think, pray, meditate, calm my mind and truly evaluate what is important to me, and for me in my life. Right now, I will keep these things to myself....

Since my most intimate and beloved friend moved west to Oregon, I do feel lonely and miss him dearly. We keep in touch using all forms of technology, but it doesn't replace the warmth and comfort of personal touch and his loving arms around me. I will go see him for a visit soon, and also get to see my sister and niece and nephew while out there. For this trip, I am grateful. This trip gives me something to look forward to and gives me hope and happiness.

My Life as an Observer

This year, I lost my Grandmother. She died just a few weeks after we celebrated her 99th birthday party. She was so happy and enjoyed seeing her grand children and her great grandchildren run around, eat and celebrate her special day with her. Shortly thereafter, she suffered a heart attack and stroke, and went downhill very quickly. At her funeral, it was lovely to see family and friends I had not seen or spoken with in months and/or years.

A couple months later, I lost my job from a corporate pharmaceutical giant that was restructuring. I had invested 16 years worth of hard work in this company, beginning as a discovery research chemist. After another early career restructuring, I moved into the early phase clinical research and development area, studying infectious diseases. Specifically, I focused my activities in studying hard-to-treat fungal infections, bacteremia, and also capsule coating solutions for targeted urinary tract drug delivery. I also spend many hundreds of hours coordinating regulatory submission documents in order for this company to secure product approval and then supported that product once it was on the market, using my writing and coordination skills. I then worked in business operations supporting the pharmaceutical development area using my communication and writing skills, my six sigma training to lead projects and by basically ensuring that a new building met the needs of the development division. Yes, I picked out the artwork that went into the building as one of my many assignments....that was COOL.

Within days of losing my job, my closest and most intimate friend moved to the pacific northwest. I supported him the best I knew how through a difficult good-bye to his 14-year-old daughter. I also helped him load of all of is worldly belongings into a moving truck. The night before he left, I cried and told him how much I had enjoyed the time we had spent together over the last 9 months of getting to know each other. He was someone I grew to love and care about very deeply. The next morning, I watched him drive off. We keep in touch via text, facebook, phone calls and online video chatting, but it's not the same as having the personal touch, hugs, kisses and presence.

Now, I have the love and support of my closest friends. I spend much of my time appreciating that I don't have to go to work every day anymore. I play with my two cats, water my flowers, continue to volunteer as a board of directors member at a community center, try to exercise regularly, find ways to enjoy my time, hunt for jobs and companies that look interesting to me, and I am mainly trying to determine what to do next with my career and my life.

I have some amazing strengths and talents -- some that I have not even tapped into really enough. For example, writing and singing/music. But, for some reason, I feel as though I am floating. I have many thoughtful and creative ideas, but I notice that do not take action on them, but it has only been 3 weeks. I have put my house up for sale, but deep down I don't want to sell it because I am not totally sure yet where I want to move or what I want to do next. Plus, my house is such a wonderful place to live. And, I don't want to do just anything -- or just find a new job. I want my next "thing" to be wonderful. To lift my spirit, to make me happy, to inspire others, and also to be within a community that welcomes and warms me. I want to be happy, influential, and have a home. How will I figure out what to do next?

I feel as though I am on a parallel plane from the majority of other people here in Indianapolis. The business owners and workers trying desperately to make more money. I feel I am merely and observer at the moment. I feel different than them. My values and goals and life passions point in a different direction from theirs. But, they point into the direction where there exists a very thick fog.... Did I mention that I absolutely LOVE fog?

The Power of "NO"

Today, I attended a seminar that discussed "the power of no", specifically within the workplace. It included a free lunch. The seminar audience was filled with prominent business personnel/leaders in the Indianapolis community, many of them financial-related. Several of the attendees were high level bank executives around town. The seminar basically summarized the benefits of saying "no" and the varying situations in which one might need to in the workplace. But, as I sat through the seminar, it was clear to me that there was generally no "right" answer to any situation. There was no clear rules provided about when one should say no, and when one should say yes. It was merely an analysis of the situations, and the benefits of either side, given the moment. Considering each of us is so different, each so individual and our state of stress changes from day to day, it seems that each person has to choose within the moment what their choice will be.

The most useful thing I heard during the seminar was the confirmation that there is a VAST difference between the reality of "taking time to think about an answer" and the perception within the business environment that "one is able to make a decision and provide an answer". Basically, the bottom line in our business environment is if you don't make a decision and respond quickly enough, it is assumed you are saying "no" or simply not capable of providing an answer. This scares the worms out of me. This day and age, people do not think long enough or carefully enough about their decisions, nor understand the consequences of their decisions on the greater good of our world. The business they work for, perhaps, but what about our city, state, nation, and/or world????

Slow down a little people....if not even for 1 minute. The world is made up of more than the almighty dollar. You and/or your company can do without more than you realize. Yes, it's nice to have, but it's also nice and good to share the wealth. It could and likely will make this place we call earth a better place to live. Your decision could affect the quality of life of even one individual, and what a gift to make someone smile, or eat a vegetable in place of a piece of bread. Bring the love and caring that you have within you into the workplace....we are all connected. Thank you for your consideration. :)