Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Another Day in Mid-Life Retirement

It’s been 3 weeks since I have been unemployed.

Today began with a storm, literally. Two cats scampering to get inside the house first thing in the morning because they were hungry, while winds picked up and thunderstorm sirens began. I sat on my back step watching the storm clouds move northward above me for about 10 minutes. They were very grey and scary-lookin’ but they didn’t seem to be anywhere near making a ruckus.

About 15 minutes later, I was trying to herd the cats into the basement as huge gusts of wind and rain slammed against my kitchen windows, blocking all views to the back yard. It was exciting and scary. It got my juices flowing. I checked the radar and sure enough, it indicated that there was a storm overhead. Glad I checked that….just to be sure. (I am rolling my eyes at this activity)

After the storm blew threw in about 10 minutes, all was calm again. It continued to rain a while.

I took a nap and slept beautifully. As usual, I didn’t want to stop napping, as Peanut was snuggled in the bed with me and it was so soft and warm and cozy. But, I got myself up anyway and made my bed. When I decided to go back to bed again, I couldn’t because I’d already made the bed. Disappointment set in…until I noticed what a beautiful day it had turned into. Autumn breezy and sunshine. I needed to get ready for my outside exercise and write my blog post!

As I continued to wonder around my house trying to think of what to write in my blog today, I kept getting stuck. I had promised my friend. We both agreed we would have a blog post by this evenings’ regular walk, and here it was, 3:00pm already.

After eating some snacks, I next found myself watching YouTube videos of women’s pregnant bellies. It was footage of babies kicking, and according to the mothers, it hurts when they kick. It reminded me of the episodes on Fringe right before an alien or giant worm or some kind of monster would exit one of their bodies, killing the host. Hopefully that is not ultimately what pregnancy is like for me. That is, if I still become pregnant before it’s too late.

Weird blog post? Perhaps….

Friday, October 22, 2010

Rainbows in My Rooms


Remember the physics lab session where we shined a light through a glass prism and it created a rainbow of light? Man, I hated physics, despite my love of chemistry. I know, that’s probably a little odd, but then, I am bizarre based on a colleagues' “positive description word”. I’ll take it as a compliment, because I don’t ever want to be “normal”. I guess that makes me special, eh? :-)


The lines of rainbow across the wall in my office come from my oval, colored leaded glass window.





Some are so subtle too…. Do you see the rainbow in this next photo, right below the cats’ paws?








In my 110-year-old home, I have rainbows everywhere during the day. I did not notice, nor enjoy these nearly enough while I was at the office all day long, while employed. Now, I do…

I would imagine that the architects that lived 115 years ago thought about the use of leaded glass windows and light within a residential structure a smidge differently than they do now-a-days. Due to significant expense, leaded glass windows are not used quite as often when homes are built today, unless maybe you are very, very wealthy. This is just another reason why I love this old house I live in. I would say that my “old house soul” is happy here to a great extent, but I also recognize that I am not enjoying it with anyone (besides Peanut, the cat). Thus, my plan remains to move west, closer to loved-ones. After all, as hard as they try, houses can’t hug....

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Unemployment Experience

I am continuing to be fascinated by my experience as an unemployed individual. I receive so many spam emails attempting to help me find a job and return to the workforce. Various tips and tricks to get me hired. I see them, and then move on without opening them. I read posts on LinkedIn about other peoples' experiences. They share that they are desperate, depressed, unable to find work and miserable. This has not been my experience.

The truth is, I have no desire to find work just yet. I am enjoying every minute of the break from a daily grind of work that has lasted 16 years for me. I feel it is extremely important for me right now to stop and figure out what will make me happy in a career. We spend a multitude of our "life hours" working to earn money to live, but how much of that time do we really gain satisfaction from our daily activities? How many of us actually ensure that our jobs align with our personal values? How many of us are honest with ourselves about our own personal values, in order to pursue those types of jobs or career directions? I can honesty say that I have not been honest with mine, over the years. My current goal is to pursue and achieve that important alignment in my life. I have full faith that I will, and the faith that when I do, the career (or job) of my dreams will come straight to my doorstep.

So, I have been relaxing, able to sleep in as long as I desire in the morning. I am observing myself in a state of "non-schedule" and it's very intriguing to me. I go to parks, sit by the reservoir, and walk to enjoy the beauty of nature. I spend time interacting, snuggling and/or playing with my pets. I take long, relaxing epsom salt baths. I actually take time to read the paper I receive each weekday. I watch movies from Netflix....probably more movies since I've been unemployed than I have in my entire life. I also explore new subjects, opportunities and possibilities from internet using my computer screen as a window. I am learning more and more about myself, and acknowledging the beauty of my own soul.

Aside from this, I do continuously battle the voice inside my head that tells me I should not be relaxing -- the voice that says it's NOT okay for you to spend your time on anything but the *highest* priority of FINDING A JOB again. Honestly, I love not working. I love having the hours of time I have never had before to really think, pray, meditate, calm my mind and truly evaluate what is important to me, and for me in my life. Right now, I will keep these things to myself....

Since my most intimate and beloved friend moved west to Oregon, I do feel lonely and miss him dearly. We keep in touch using all forms of technology, but it doesn't replace the warmth and comfort of personal touch and his loving arms around me. I will go see him for a visit soon, and also get to see my sister and niece and nephew while out there. For this trip, I am grateful. This trip gives me something to look forward to and gives me hope and happiness.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My Life as an Observer

This year, I lost my Grandmother. She died just a few weeks after we celebrated her 99th birthday party. She was so happy and enjoyed seeing her grand children and her great grandchildren run around, eat and celebrate her special day with her. Shortly thereafter, she suffered a heart attack and stroke, and went downhill very quickly. At her funeral, it was lovely to see family and friends I had not seen or spoken with in months and/or years.

A couple months later, I lost my job from a corporate pharmaceutical giant that was restructuring. I had invested 16 years worth of hard work in this company, beginning as a discovery research chemist. After another early career restructuring, I moved into the early phase clinical research and development area, studying infectious diseases. Specifically, I focused my activities in studying hard-to-treat fungal infections, bacteremia, and also capsule coating solutions for targeted urinary tract drug delivery. I also spend many hundreds of hours coordinating regulatory submission documents in order for this company to secure product approval and then supported that product once it was on the market, using my writing and coordination skills. I then worked in business operations supporting the pharmaceutical development area using my communication and writing skills, my six sigma training to lead projects and by basically ensuring that a new building met the needs of the development division. Yes, I picked out the artwork that went into the building as one of my many assignments....that was COOL.

Within days of losing my job, my closest and most intimate friend moved to the pacific northwest. I supported him the best I knew how through a difficult good-bye to his 14-year-old daughter. I also helped him load of all of is worldly belongings into a moving truck. The night before he left, I cried and told him how much I had enjoyed the time we had spent together over the last 9 months of getting to know each other. He was someone I grew to love and care about very deeply. The next morning, I watched him drive off. We keep in touch via text, facebook, phone calls and online video chatting, but it's not the same as having the personal touch, hugs, kisses and presence.

Now, I have the love and support of my closest friends. I spend much of my time appreciating that I don't have to go to work every day anymore. I play with my two cats, water my flowers, continue to volunteer as a board of directors member at a community center, try to exercise regularly, find ways to enjoy my time, hunt for jobs and companies that look interesting to me, and I am mainly trying to determine what to do next with my career and my life.

I have some amazing strengths and talents -- some that I have not even tapped into really enough. For example, writing and singing/music. But, for some reason, I feel as though I am floating. I have many thoughtful and creative ideas, but I notice that do not take action on them, but it has only been 3 weeks. I have put my house up for sale, but deep down I don't want to sell it because I am not totally sure yet where I want to move or what I want to do next. Plus, my house is such a wonderful place to live. And, I don't want to do just anything -- or just find a new job. I want my next "thing" to be wonderful. To lift my spirit, to make me happy, to inspire others, and also to be within a community that welcomes and warms me. I want to be happy, influential, and have a home. How will I figure out what to do next?

I feel as though I am on a parallel plane from the majority of other people here in Indianapolis. The business owners and workers trying desperately to make more money. I feel I am merely and observer at the moment. I feel different than them. My values and goals and life passions point in a different direction from theirs. But, they point into the direction where there exists a very thick fog.... Did I mention that I absolutely LOVE fog?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Power of "NO"

Today, I attended a seminar that discussed "the power of no", specifically within the workplace. It included a free lunch. The seminar audience was filled with prominent business personnel/leaders in the Indianapolis community, many of them financial-related. Several of the attendees were high level bank executives around town. The seminar basically summarized the benefits of saying "no" and the varying situations in which one might need to in the workplace. But, as I sat through the seminar, it was clear to me that there was generally no "right" answer to any situation. There was no clear rules provided about when one should say no, and when one should say yes. It was merely an analysis of the situations, and the benefits of either side, given the moment. Considering each of us is so different, each so individual and our state of stress changes from day to day, it seems that each person has to choose within the moment what their choice will be.

The most useful thing I heard during the seminar was the confirmation that there is a VAST difference between the reality of "taking time to think about an answer" and the perception within the business environment that "one is able to make a decision and provide an answer". Basically, the bottom line in our business environment is if you don't make a decision and respond quickly enough, it is assumed you are saying "no" or simply not capable of providing an answer. This scares the worms out of me. This day and age, people do not think long enough or carefully enough about their decisions, nor understand the consequences of their decisions on the greater good of our world. The business they work for, perhaps, but what about our city, state, nation, and/or world????

Slow down a little people....if not even for 1 minute. The world is made up of more than the almighty dollar. You and/or your company can do without more than you realize. Yes, it's nice to have, but it's also nice and good to share the wealth. It could and likely will make this place we call earth a better place to live. Your decision could affect the quality of life of even one individual, and what a gift to make someone smile, or eat a vegetable in place of a piece of bread. Bring the love and caring that you have within you into the workplace....we are all connected. Thank you for your consideration. :)

Friday, October 16, 2009

Abandoned, Not Forgotten

This is the story that I am telling on Saturday at the Neighbor Power! workshop sponsored by LISC. My hope is to inspire and motivate others to become involved in addressing issues that negatively impact their lives and those of their neighbors and loved ones, such as abandoned, boarded-up houses that can become magnets for crime.

In October 2003, I finally bought myself my dream house; a 103-year old fixer-upper Four-Square, with some of the most beautiful architectural elements you will ever see. It needed just the amount of TLC I felt I could manage to provide as a single female. I knew at the time the neighborhood was sort of “on the edge”, but the house was located on a solid block of good folks, and I felt I could help turn things around and help build community, since I’d watched it being done by others in Cottage Home Neighborhood, a nearby neighborhood where I’d rented a great little duplex for 8 years. I finally had my own place. :)

Although my neighborhood is made up of over 300 homes, my new neighbors invited me to sparsely-attended neighborhood meetings (3-5 people) and shortly thereafter, nominated me for the neighborhood president. The leaders were pretty burnt out and frustrated, and understandably so. They wanted new energy and perspectives, and things to improve. I was new, eager to learn about the neighborhood and why the problems in the community existed, as well as to protect my investment, so I accepted.

As I walked my dog Lady around the neighborhood daily, I witnessed some pretty scary people and places; so much neglected property and rubbish everywhere. This was so unlike Minnesota where I grew up. There were broken fences and boarded up houses and garages around which piles of discarded belongings were simply dumped on the ground. The more neighbors I met, the more I learned about the local crime in the neighborhood, and drug dealing going on, tho I never seemed to witness it myself. I found that it was filled with friendly, yet almost skiddish folks. This was understandable, considering the experiences of crime they had been experiencing all around them for months, even years.

What did I get myself into? Even my dog was like “Mom, what are we doing here?” I had reservations about whether I’d made the right decision or not, but each time they would inevitably disappear. This was my new home now, and for some odd reason, I had faith that I could affect things and help make it into a wonderful, safe enjoyable place to live. Arsenal Heights Neighborhood. Each time I looked around, I saw what it *could be*.

I held regular monthly, structured neighborhood meetings with agendas, and continued to get to know more and more of my neighbors as I walked Lady through the neighborhood. Each time I met someone new on my daily walks that seemed sober, I said hello, introduced myself, shared with them where I lived, and exchanged contact information/emails when I could. I personally invited them to the monthly neighborhood meetings to express/share their concerns and experiences. I told them city officials and police were there to listen to our concerns, and that if didn’t voice them, nothing would ever change.

Gradually over the months, the meeting attendees grew, one by one; more folks in the neighborhood met each other and slowly, bit by bit, we became more of a community. We began feeling empowered when we heard others’ stories that were similar to our own. We also reached out to the larger NESCO community in order to seek their help, support, and guidance in addressing the problems we faced.

We met month after month after month to discuss the status of problems, as well as other news and neighborhood activities, but the same problems and complaints came up over and over with our Health and Hospital inspector and police, and city neighborhood liaison.

At one point, I decided that the changes were simply NOT being made at an acceptable rate. We never seemed to get a clear answer for why the owner of each particular property was not addressing it’s code violation. Although we, as active neighborhood members, empathized with each other and re-enforced our experiences, we still felt pretty helpless to address the problems we faced, and did not feel our Health & Hospital (H&H) inspector was using his authority to make negligent property owners accountable. It was the same story every month, it seemed.

And then one day, the Dirty Dozen List was born. I thought “metrics”. I thought it would be helpful to “track progress” on each house that was under code violation or that was highlighted as a problem by neighbors, since generally the problem houses were directly linked to “problem tenants” and/or “owners of the problem properties”. We learned as a community that it was important to call and report every code violation we could possibly see (and we shared the phone number with everyone we knew on numerous occasions, so everyone could call in violations), because it was really our only ammunition toward getting the attention of the negligent and apathetic property owners. By calling in all of the code violations we could find, and track progress, we attempted to pressure H&H and the property owners into actually ensuring the properties were maintained safely and appropriately.

Every meeting we went over the Dirty Dozen List. And month after month after month, it became evident that not a lot was happening, and the more data we collected, the more we had evidence that “the H&H code enforcement process was broken”. We began talking to the H&H Corporation leadership, Environmental Court judges, and City of Indianapolis officials to help us understand why properties remained problematic, and what we could do about it. The data spoke for itself. All we needed to do was share it, and ask "why?".

At one point, our City of Indianapolis Neighborhood Liaison Katy Brett recognized that we were actively pursuing the problems in our neighborhood; that we actually cared. So, she invited a fellow city official named Jeff Bennett to our neighborhood meeting. Unbenounced (is this even a word?) to us, the city was diligently working toward addressing the problems of abandoned houses in the city, and had even formed an Abandoned Houses Work Group to assist the City in identifying long term strategies to reclaim and rehabilitate abandoned properties. Jeff, in partnership with up to 20 local experts, was working on drafting statutory improvements to the Unsafe Building Law, tax sale process, and a provision creating land bank authority for local governments across the state. He came to our neighborhood meetings to learn about the frustrations and road-blocks we had been encountering first hand, with properties in our very own neighborhood. We were *living* with the problems on a daily basis that he was trying to solve. At one point, we had Jeff Bennett, our Indiana State Representative John Day, and Arsenal Heights Civic League residents sharing their experience and ideas on how we might tweak the Senate Bill 341 to ensure it had the biggest bite possible. And, congratulations to them for serving their community and going to the very root of the problem! :)

This gave people in my neighborhood a feeling of great honor and pride that we were even given the opportunity to contribute, and possibly even affect our very own Indiana state law to make a positive difference in our community and living environment. To get the abandoned houses into the hands of CDCs or developers, rather than just sitting there for years and years, empty. And, to know that the people that we elected and hired to run our government cared enough to listen.

Once they submitted the bill, we anxiously awaited for the outcomes of the legislative sessions. First, we received news that SB341 had passed through the Indiana State Senate unanimously (50-0) and was referred to the House of Representatives. We were delighted. Whoooo-Hoooo! Woot! Woot!

When news came that the bill was removed from the House agenda with no explanation what-so-ever, we were deflated. This meant a-whole-nother year of status quo. Another year of the same old #@$#$!!. IT FELT THAT ALL HOPE WAS LOST... Even the Indianapolis Star publically acknowledged the disappointment and frustration caused by the killing of the bill.

It was actually during one of my disappointing and desperate discussions with either Jeff Bennett or Justin Ohlemiller, who was the city’s communication coordinator, that the possibility of a neighborhood rally or protest might help the situation.
When I broached the subject with Arsenal Heights Civic League VP, Linda Van Scoder, she was unsure. I talked her into going for it; afterall, what could it hurt? So, we held a rally in front of one of the abandoned houses in our neighborhood. We invited the local news stations, and the entire near eastside community to the rally for their help and support, and to empower them to take advantage of this opportunity to make a stand, and hopefully make a positive difference.

I leveraged my secretary role in the Near Eastside Collaborative Taskforce to initiate a massive writing campaign; provided contact information (phone numbers and direct links) to both the Indianapolis Star editorial section, and the Indiana State representatives' websites who were responsible for removing the bill from the session agenda (Phil Hinkle and James Buck). We made it as easy as we could for folks to call and write to them directly requesting (and even demanding!) an explanation for why they removed the bill from the agenda and basically killed it in the house legislative session, especially after a unanimous vote through the senate. Their offices were flooded with letters and calls, and the Indianapolis Star was flooded with letters to the editor.

Hinkle and Buck both showed up at our neighborhood rally and attempted to defend their concerns in person. I think they may have been a little sorry they came, because I literally heard one of our long time NESCO community leaders (feisty Ruth Shaw) look one of them straight in the eye and say “You should be *ashamed* of yourself!”. They attempted to defend their concerns through an Indianapolis Star editorial article also, but their concerns just didn’t seem to add up. It was also fairly clear that partisan politics were at play. We also learned that Buck was in the real estate business and Hinkle was in the mortgage business, and the whole thing began to seem a little fishy, and I called them out on this in my Indianapolis Star editorial, specifically.

The session was going down to the wire, and we still had not heard whether or not the bill would be revived to at *least* get a vote. The entire NESCO Community held their feet to the fire (and would not let up) until we heard whether the bill was revived or not; we were all on pins and needles. We learned that the bill was revived as an amendment to another bill, and ultimately passed through the House with a vote of 75-25....and the vote was held on the last day of the legislative session. What a roller coaster ride!!

This new law: Bolstered the ability of cities and counties all across the state to better address the issue of abandoned houses and problem properties, which negatively impact the quality of life in neighborhoods throughout Indiana.
The State law changes outlined in HB1102/SB341 essentially does three things:
1) Adds teeth to a city’s ability to go after negligent property owners and prevent these bad actors from acquiring even more property;
2) Provides municipalities with more options in partnering with developers to revitalize troubled properties; and
3) Speeds up the timeframe that sites may languish in abandonment before they can be put back into positive reuse.

The law gives local governments statewide better tools to tackle the tremendous challenges posed by vacant, abandoned and dilapidated properties.

This is a story with a positive outcome, that I hope encourages you to:
• Foster good and productive relationships and partnerships within your community.
• Make contacts and develop relationships with fellow neighbors; get to know your neighbors, and engage your fellow neighbors; the issues and concerns that you are facing – they are facing them too!
• Make contacts and develop relationships with city officials, and those that can help you.
• Make contacts and develop relationships with others who have more experience than you, that can help guide you.
When you actively care and make a stand, people will notice and even join and support you in your worthy causes.

My story also speaks to the Peterson administration, and their ability and willingness to partner with city residents. It also speaks to the city residents that were willing to voice their needs and demand positive changes in their lives. The people really do have power. :)

The End.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Motivation? Where are you?

I am preparing to tell an inspirational story of how me and my neighbors had a hand in passing the Indiana state Abandoned Housing Law through both the state senate and house of reps, with pictures and the whole deal, but I simply cannot seem to get myself MOTIVATED to get it all together.  I feel "community serviced" out lately.  Thinking back, I am actually amazed how we put the effort into a) get peeps involved in a positive cause, b) initiate the writing campaign, c) get things changed within our state government. How n-hood leaders and everyone stepped up (together) and demanded the positive changes; wrote to the IndyStar opinion section, held a rally, wrote to the nitwit-politician that dropped it from the docket, wrote to each other to spread the word! Pretty powerful stuff, but I'm sooooo tired now. Yes, I led it, and we did make a positive difference....I can see it every day as I walk Lady through the neighborhood.  How can I get myself to realize and embrace the final step in "telling the story" in order to leverage the momentum that has already developed? I know if I don't, things will likely digress.... But, my heart feels so heavy right now....

I have the opportunity to go scootering tonight with friends on this absolutely GORGEOUS evening here in Indy; one of the very last for this year's season I am certain....shall I go? Will the motivation come to me later on, if I play a little bit and go for a fun, refreshing scoot tonight????? I hope so.....I think I better go.  I need to clear my head and take advantage of this opportunity to have some fun. Yep, it's decided. Maybe that heavy weight on my heart will dissipate as I breeze through the city on Scoot  (he's so cute).
:)
Okay, but then I absolutely *have* to promise that I stay home tomorrow night and begin putting together the story/presentation.  Afterall, many peeps from all over the city will be there, and it's such a incredibly great honor to be asked to tell the story and put on the workshop.  Just remember THAT little missy!  Okay, I will.....but now I am going to go have some fun.  Yee!